So. Much. To. Do.

I have my days where I feel completely blessed and totally happy with my circumstances in life.

And I have other days where I don't think I can last where I'm at, and start to wonder if there's a different job or location I should be in.

I don't know if the back and forth is a sign of immaturity, as I know no situation is ever perfect and I should just get over it. But the hard days are very discouraging... and the good days are very uplifting. It's a little bipolar, and wreaks havoc on my emotions sometimes. And I will tell you right now I am writing this from a period of enduring the hard days, so my thoughts at the moment are biased that way.

I have particularly been going between these feelings lately as I have three major events back to back at work that I am coordinating. I think coordinating special events is one of my stronger talents, and something I love, but it doesn't make it less stressful. I know I am a little behind on some things, but I also feel really good about how things are coming together overall.

However, I get the distinct impression that a few of my co-workers, including my boss, think I should be much, much more intense and stressed out than I am. But I'm just not prone to that. Sure, I get stressed, but I don't lose control ... at least not outwardly. And when I start to lose it, I catch myself, re-center, and get my head back in the game.

One thing I have always really hated is that those of us who are less intense, less loud people get perceived as doormats or people who are not proactive, capable, or that we don't care. When in reality, our tactic is to listen, absorb, learn and process information before giving opinions or fighting battles. I realize some people think and work differently, but for us quiet, less intense folks - please don't assume we're apathetic or scared or nervous or incapable (I hate when someone tells me not to be shy or scared - I'm not! I just pick my battles is all). We hear and see and have opinions of everything too, we just handle it differently.

With these events coming to a head, I've had more days of "I need to get on monster.com and find a new job" than normal, mostly because the intense people I work with are putting waaaaay more stress on me than is necessary, and making what is already stressful almost unbearable. I know the deadlines, and I know the importance of each piece of what I'm doing without being hounded continuously or reminded how important it is.

I'm continually praying for how God is using this situation to mold me, and teach me. It certainly has grown me a thicker skin, taught me to be more flexible and alert, helped me communicate with people who handle situations much differently than me, and definitely granted me valuable work experience. And I hope to keep with it, but I struggle with the unnecessarily added stress.

I know everything that happens is because God allows it to happen, and that He always provides a way to endure. I will continue to pray for His leading, His timing, His patience and peace, and look forward to being able to share that story of praise.