All or Nothing

This week, I've been really struck by thoughts of home. I think about being home at Christmas, and just being "normal" again ... old friends, old routines ... just falling back into comfort.

But then I think about how when that happens, it will mean I've left this place, and these new friends and new routines. And the friends and routines (and everything else) here couldn't be more different from the ones at home.

If something happens at home, I can't just drive or fly there (not easily, anyway). If I miss something specific, I can't easily get it. And if I want to see a friend in person, and talk to someone who has known me more than three months, I can't really do that either.

It's all or nothing. I'm all in Hong Kong and not at all able to visit home. When I return home, I will most likely not see the friends I have labored to make in Hong Kong again.

It's a very sad thought. I hate good-byes. And they happen a lot here, because we have a lot of short-termers come through to help and to encourage us. I get to know them, grow in relationship with them, learn from them, gain insights from them ... and then they leave. And while there's Facebook and e-mail, I know I likely will not see them again as they live in the U.K. or Australia, or Zambia, or other places in this big world.

All or nothing. All of one place and none of the other. No in betweens. No visits when I need a fix of one friend or food or culture. The two worlds will never collide. And I have to seek His peace for all these emotions.

It's absolutely worth the sadness, but still a pain I have to live with. I look forward to reconnecting with people and places and cultures back in Texas, but I also dread the sad good-byes when I leave. However, I know He has fashioned each relationship and I can't say what His desires are for me to have known these people, only that I love them and will miss them.