Fruits of My Struggles

The first six months of my job made me very anxious. I couldn't for the life of me figure out my boss. I constantly felt like I was failing in some way, but as much as I tried to do my best, I somehow kept missing the mark. There was a lot of miscommunication, I realize in retrospect, but after nine months now, I finally feel like I have the hang of things, more or less. I still make mistakes, but I know how to fix them and not feel like I failed.

I have a co-worker, Dee, who started with us about three months ago. She is a great lady, very sweet and friendly, and a hard worker. She joined us after twenty years spent in another industry that she was laid off from. The works she does with us now is very different, but she's put a lot of effort into learning and I personally think she's doing a great job.

Last week I walked into the conference room (to which my little workspace attaches), and Dee was in there working. I asked her how it was going, in a casual way as I made my way to my desk. She looked at me, and very frankly said, "I hate this." I stopped, and sat down to talk.

She started pouring out all her frustrations, and it sounded very, very familiar. Every difficulty she was having, not understanding what our boss wanted, and feeling like a failure ... it was all exactly what I had felt my first months on the job. She started crying, and I told her my own story of how I felt, and coped, my first several months. I told her I prayed harder than I had in a long time, and it really made a difference. She said she had been doing the same.

I was able to encourage her to tell our boss how she was feeling, and most of all that no matter how she feels, she is not a failure. It's a demanding job, but they wouldn't have hired her if they didn't think she could do it.

It broke my heart to see her like that, but it also reminded me of God's plans for us. I hated, hated going through those months of anxiety and frustration, and I can't say I'm completely on the other side now, but I am definitely in a better place. And though it was a struggle to get through, I was able last week to relate to someone, right where they were at, and tell them how I got through it, and that there is hope.

God always has a plan, and never wants us to be hurting without a reason. The challenging first six months of my job taught me many things, and grew and stretched me, and this ability now to identify with and encourage someone else is just one of the fruits of that trial.

(PS - my boss is a good guy, just for the record... but we communicate in very different ways and therefore miscommunicate often! But now that we've talked about this challenge, we have been able to recognize it when it happens, and things are much smoother. Yay!)