God is taking me through a season, and to be honest, I don't like it.
I hadn't really acknowledged that He was putting me through something, until last week. I read something that made me realize that I had been struggling, and just hadn't wanted to face it. I was reading a blog I follow, and the blogger pointed out how so often, we want Goliath moments, and think that if we don't constantly have them, then we must be doing something wrong. This particular person wrote of how he feels most alive when he gets to speak at churches and preach, but his regualr job is in IT. He has a hard time reconciling the two worlds - standing in front of a congregation, preaching and teaching the Word of God vs. sitting at a computer or in a meeting, looking at spreadsheets, talking statistics. But in reality, not every moment David had was a Goliath moment. He also spent much of his time as a shepherd. Same with Moses. He didn't spend all his time on the mountain hearing from God and delivering his people. He wandered around a lot, too.
Then the sermons I've heard recently are also about defining God's vision in my life. What does He want from me? Where does He want me? How do I accomplish those goals?
I was feeling frustrated with some things, but still knew that this is where God wants me. But if God wants me here, why is it so hard sometimes? The reality, though, is not every experience is meant to be a mountaintop. God takes me through trials and anxiety as well and I know it's because He is just continuing to mold me. For what? I don't know yet. And I'm sure it will be a lifelong process. But I'm starting to understand more and more that I shouldn't be disillusioned when every experience isn't a mountaintop, but rather God uses every moment, big or small, for His good and He has a reason and a purpose. It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not in control.
But it's still hard, and I will still pray that it become clearer and less difficult. But ultimately, it's out of my hands, and that's ok too.
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2 comments:
Knowing that every moment is NOT a Goliath moment makes me feel better and that it's normal :)
This blog entry helped me when I was wondering the same thing you are wondering now.
http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/03/506-asking-god-if-he-wants-you-to-go-on-an-adventure/
It's funny, because that's the same blog I was talking about (but a different entry). :) He writes some great stuff that has really makes me think. Read his entry earlier this week or last week about Goliath moments. Good stuff.
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