Relationship vs. Association

In light of the sermon and Life Group discussion about growth, and with my own focus being on improving my prayer life, I decided to incorporate some quiet time as I walked yesterday afternoon post-workout.

I went to a nearby park, and it was a pretty solitary walk on a beautiful day. I just started to talk to God and really dig in to some areas I need His help to work on. I started to think about why He lets us fail and even have areas that need work versus using His power to make everything right. I know it's obvious - He wants us to rely on Him and not ourselves, and if everything's perfect then I will probably start to do things on my own more and fall out of relationship with Him. I started to really mull that over. There's some areas of my life that I don't understand why God allows them to happen (or sometimes not happen) the way they do.

For example, why did he put me in a job, where I love the job but my boss is so stressful it sometimes makes me wonder if I can handle this for the long-term? Or, why did God give me such a heart for China, but lead me back to the US? And there's some other questions that I'm not going to share on a blog, but you get the idea.

But I realize more and more that it's about relationship, and about reliance on God. He doesn't make things easy, but He does provide strength and hope. And it's nice to know I can hand my burdens over to Him ... when I finally admit I can't do it on my own, that is.

I'm still working through things, but ultimately I know He has a plan, a will, and reasons for doing what He does. And I just have to trust that.