Back to Basics

It is so hard sometimes to separate my opinions from God's truth. I have been really thinking a lot about this lately. My friend, who is a new believer, will ask me my opinion on some moral issue, or worse, she'll do something that I really wish she hadn't - and she'll ask me the dreaded question, "What do you think I should do?"

So far, through much prayer and discipline, I've felt confident and everything I've said to her. I mostly stick with the fool-proof method of driving the conversation back to Scripture. If I can't back up what I say to her with God's Word, then I don't say it. She is so impressionable and I want her to form her own thoughts. But sometimes I want to say exactly what I'm thinking, which isn't always the most Godly response, I'm sad to say.

This experience has been teaching me so much about going back to basics and filtering out my desires and opinions from what God says is true. Just last week, a situation came up where I had to stop myself from immediately giving a judgmental monologue about something because I knew even in the heat of the moment that that was not the right response. It was hard to bite my tongue, but I'm glad I did it because it only would have served to be hurtful and in no way edifying. After taking a step back from the situation, I could finally respond with love and by driving my counsel back to what the Bible says is true.

I guess that was an important lesson to be reminded of - you can't go wrong if you point back to what God says. His word is unerring and never leads you astray.

The Gift or Empathy

God has given me a spirit of empathy. I guess that can either be a gift or a hindrance.

As a gift, it helps me really see things from someone else's perspective, step in their shoes and feel their joy or pain. It helps me better encourage them or advise them. It allows me to experience situations I otherwise may not. I grow closer to friends because I bear their burdens with them. I can give better explanations or better advice because I can tailor my words to really fit their circumstances.

As a hindrance, it weighs me down to bear the burdens of others. When a friend experiences something rough or just depressing, I feel that anxiety or depression. I can't be cold in business and make decisions that greatly affect others because I can't help but see how it's going to hurt someone. It's an emotional roller coaster. And it makes me more emotional, and I'm already prone to emotion.

More than once, I've had a good friend come to me, and confess something they did totally out of their own will and totally against God's. They feel such deep shame and remorse. I want to counsel them, but I feel their pain so much that it makes it hard for me to clearly see what I need to say. I have a hard time separating emotions from clear thinking.

I wish I could make someone make the right decisions. I wish I could help my friends stay on track, and keep myself on track, but in the end it's between you (or me) and God.

God must feel this way all the time! Watching us do things He already knows will end up hurting us or put us through unnecessary trouble. But He lets us make mistakes and fall on our faces. It must be so frustrating.

I think the empathy is a good thing. I just have to balance it. I like that I can really appreciate how someone feels and walk that road with them, so long as I can still keep my head up and breathe and allow God to be in the midst of those times.

Facing the Giants

Every Monday morning at my job, we have a staff meeting to start the week. Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised when I walked in and saw a projector and screen set up up, and even more excited when I learned we were going to actually watch the entire movie Facing the Giants. My boss always tries to give us a weekly motivation, and this one turned out to be a great one - and not just because I got to watch a movie at work either.

There were a lot of great lessons in the film, but the one that stuck out to me most was not letting fear cripple you. God is in control, and if He leads you to do something, no matter how challenging and impossible it may seem, He will see you through it. If you've already made up in your mind that you will fail, then you will fail.

I was thinking of these lessons in relation to my own life. When I headed to Hong Kong, I had all kinds of people telling me I was crazy or making a mistake. Some of these were non-Christians, but I had several Christians saying the same things to me. It was hard to take, and I had a lot of doubts at the time. But even when I was feeling those doubts, I knew they were of me and not of God. So I headed to HK, and never regretted a single moment of that experience. Even in my current work situation, I often get overwhelmed but I cling to the fact that I know God led me there, so I just need to trust that even in times of struggle, He is there. One of my co-workers is leaving this week for another job, and I'm taking on several big tasks from her. I'm not entirely sure how to do everything she did, and I know when she leaves some things will fall through the cracks, because I just don't know all the little ins and outs like she does. But I can't let the fear of failure or messing things up or anything else cripple me. I have to accept I will make mistakes, and make the best of it.

I have the verse from Colossians 3:23-24 posted by my desk, which gives me the reminder I need during the work day of my purpose: ^"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

God's glory is my purpose and if I make that my priority, He will work out all things.

Love Your Neighbor

I am the type of person who is friendly, soft spoken and gentle. I don't think those sound like poor qualities, but I notice a lot that people who are very hard nosed and more confrontational than I am see these as weak qualities. I am forever being told to be meaner and harder on people. I need to be firm and assertive and forceful and push people around if I have to so they take me seriously. I hate being told these things, especially when the person saying them has never seen me in a situation where they think these qualities are needed. They think I will crumble at the first challenge, but what they don't realize is it's entirely possible to live a life where kindness and trust in others can actually succeed.

Take the press conference, for example. I was told more than once that I would need to be very forceful in delegating tasks to others and making sure things got done. I was given some specifics on how 'mean' I needed to be to a few certain people, otherwise they wouldn't do their that's the right way for them. But I treated every single person on my team like an adult who is capable of doing the tasks assigned to them. I was kind, but not a pushover. And you know what? It was AWESOME. Everything went great, and each person did exactly what they were supposed to do. I even had almost all of them tell me afterward how much they appreciated that I didn't make them crazy or stressed out, but things were smooth and gentle.

I have had situations like this my whole life. Being kind and gentle to others is perceived as weakness. If you can't hold your own in a confrontation with anger and words equal to your opponent, then you are the loser. Why does it need to be this way?

Jesus says in Matthew 11:29, "... for I am gentle and humble in heart." Jesus taught kindness, and love. I know I shouldn't be a pushover, and I'm not. I can tell when someone is taking advantage of my kindness, but sometimes it's not worth it to fight it. I choose my battles rather than making everything a stubborn fight for who is right. Love is not a gift with strings attached. I am called to love others, and if they reject that gift, then it's on them. I can only do what God prompts me to do, and not attach conditions to my love and kindness.

I'll keep living this way because it works. In my experience, people respond better when they see you actually believe in them and speak to them as fellow human beings. People need to see the gentle and humble Jesus that lives in me.

Turns out I am a capable adult!

As it turns out, I play a pretty convincing adult. It's funny, because I often feel like a fake - I can dress the part, and talk the part - but deep down, I still want to go home, put on my PJs and watch The Goonies or The Princess Bride at the end of the day. Is that weird?

God once again proved that it is Him working through me, and not the other way around, yesterday. I was charged with coordinating a press conference for Avenida, which was a huge task. I had to coordinate an appearance and short speech from a Congressman, several city officials, not to mention preparing all the media materials and distributing, setting up and decorating the venue, and generally making sure everything went to plan. I was so nervous no one would show up, or something on stage would fall apart in front of everyone.

But everything went so smoothly and so perfectly to plan, I couldn't believe it! Not one hitch! We had over 60 people attend, I met some new media people, and we even had a short slot on the news last night. I prayed so much for the ability to pull this off, and for it to be a success, that all I can do now is tell you about it so you can share with me in glorifying God. He's awesome!!!

Not only am I happy the event was a success, but it also was the first major project I've been given sole control over. It was my event to make into what I envisioned, and people followed my lead. Now that it was a success, I feel like I've finally crossed a line with my co-workers (in a good way) and have proven myself valuable. (They never made me feel un-valuable, but now I have a tangible example of what I am capable of.) So this event's success had many effects, and I am so grateful. It was a great confidence booster for me, great PR for our organization, and I got to see, once again, how God honors His commitment to us, and carries me through.

Relationship vs. Association

In light of the sermon and Life Group discussion about growth, and with my own focus being on improving my prayer life, I decided to incorporate some quiet time as I walked yesterday afternoon post-workout.

I went to a nearby park, and it was a pretty solitary walk on a beautiful day. I just started to talk to God and really dig in to some areas I need His help to work on. I started to think about why He lets us fail and even have areas that need work versus using His power to make everything right. I know it's obvious - He wants us to rely on Him and not ourselves, and if everything's perfect then I will probably start to do things on my own more and fall out of relationship with Him. I started to really mull that over. There's some areas of my life that I don't understand why God allows them to happen (or sometimes not happen) the way they do.

For example, why did he put me in a job, where I love the job but my boss is so stressful it sometimes makes me wonder if I can handle this for the long-term? Or, why did God give me such a heart for China, but lead me back to the US? And there's some other questions that I'm not going to share on a blog, but you get the idea.

But I realize more and more that it's about relationship, and about reliance on God. He doesn't make things easy, but He does provide strength and hope. And it's nice to know I can hand my burdens over to Him ... when I finally admit I can't do it on my own, that is.

I'm still working through things, but ultimately I know He has a plan, a will, and reasons for doing what He does. And I just have to trust that.

Big vs Small Experiences

God is taking me through a season, and to be honest, I don't like it.

I hadn't really acknowledged that He was putting me through something, until last week. I read something that made me realize that I had been struggling, and just hadn't wanted to face it. I was reading a blog I follow, and the blogger pointed out how so often, we want Goliath moments, and think that if we don't constantly have them, then we must be doing something wrong. This particular person wrote of how he feels most alive when he gets to speak at churches and preach, but his regualr job is in IT. He has a hard time reconciling the two worlds - standing in front of a congregation, preaching and teaching the Word of God vs. sitting at a computer or in a meeting, looking at spreadsheets, talking statistics. But in reality, not every moment David had was a Goliath moment. He also spent much of his time as a shepherd. Same with Moses. He didn't spend all his time on the mountain hearing from God and delivering his people. He wandered around a lot, too.

Then the sermons I've heard recently are also about defining God's vision in my life. What does He want from me? Where does He want me? How do I accomplish those goals?

I was feeling frustrated with some things, but still knew that this is where God wants me. But if God wants me here, why is it so hard sometimes? The reality, though, is not every experience is meant to be a mountaintop. God takes me through trials and anxiety as well and I know it's because He is just continuing to mold me. For what? I don't know yet. And I'm sure it will be a lifelong process. But I'm starting to understand more and more that I shouldn't be disillusioned when every experience isn't a mountaintop, but rather God uses every moment, big or small, for His good and He has a reason and a purpose. It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not in control.

But it's still hard, and I will still pray that it become clearer and less difficult. But ultimately, it's out of my hands, and that's ok too.