Feeling the Separation Anxiety

There really are probably only a few of you reading this who know what it feels like to literally give up everything, and move across the world into an utterly unknown (to you) country and culture, full of new people and customs. To desperately check your email every day, because it feels so good to hear from someone who has more than a few days’ or months’ history with you. To feel a pang for the days when you weren’t the ‘foreigner’ everywhere, where you didn’t have to think twice about an exchange rate, when even the small things like paper sizes were a given (they are a different size here) or it never occurred to you that basic things like Advil and Tylenol don’t exist outside the States (similar things exist, but by different names which can be confusing).

I gave up everything to come here – my car, my apartment, (most of) my furniture, my friends and family, my dog, lots of clothes and other material things, my roommate. I left home with two suitcases and a laptop, my ipod and camera. That was it. It’s very stressful to let go of things.

I know you may be thinking, “I could give up material things” or “I’d love to live in another country, how fun!” but the reality is, while I am so glad I gave up everything and yes, living in another country is fun, it is a MAJOR life transition and has been a daily struggle to mould myself into a new person. I don’t consider myself a materialistic person, but it was hard to get rid of things that were gifts or had sentimental value to me. And if you really look around you, at all the things you have including your furniture and car and home, and try to imagine paring that down to two suitcases, you can see how hard it is.

Of course, the struggles have brought a lot of triumph, and I have grown tremendously in confidence and faith this year. But I know when I go back to the U.S., I will have separation anxiety from this place where I’ve experienced such growth. Hong Kong has been the setting of a very significant year of my life, perhaps even the most significant, and I will have a hard time letting it go.

So when I am home, and I want to talk about Central and the 962 and typhoons and the ladies at Wellcome and the way pharmacists give you huge bags of pills or how fun it is to eat a real Chinese family-style meal, please indulge me and listen. I am afraid of getting blank looks and people thinking, “I have no idea what she’s talking about” or “Oh great … Suzanne’s on again about China” and I really want to share anecdotes and other things with my friends without them getting bored.

So, I’m going to try to continue to process this year as I transition. Please give me some room to have some personal debrief time when I’m home. It’s a lot to process, and the reverse culture shock doesn’t help (it’s almost worse than the culture shock of a new country). I am anticipating some sadness and pangs of separation from this amazing place, so please, bear with me.

That being said, I really am looking forward to these next steps ahead, and can’t wait to see you when I am back in the great state of TEXAS.