God is Good, All the Time

Today is the end of June, which is D-Day for me.

I have been working towards this day in coming up with at least enough in supporter donations to receive as my paycheck to make it through this next month. As of yesterday I only had half of what I needed. I was very stressed last night trying to think through my options: Can I take a month off and work elsewhere while still support raising? Can BLE give me the extra money I need, and how do I ask for that if they don't offer? Do I make a final plea to supporters?

I didn't want to do any of these, honestly, though the one I was closest to was temping somewhere for this next month and just doing some BLE work in my spare time, just to keep things moving forward. I had prayed, A LOT, last night and this morning on my way in for the words to say what I needed to say.

And then I get here, and at this very final hour -- there was a check for the exact amount of money I needed. I hadn't asked this person for it, but it was given anyway.

I almost cried - all the anxiety and other feelings making way for a huge rush of relief and an even bigger rush of gratitude.

So, all of this to say - GOD IS GOOD. He knows my needs, and He meets them, even if it is literally the final hour. Amazing.

Check Out My Pyramid

It's coming along, brick by brick. I wonder how the Egyptians did it?

Where does my help come from?

I have been sitting here pondering this road I am on. I always joke that I have no problem taking money or help from people when they offer it. I’ve gotten used to it to a degree, and have gotten over – for the most part – my pride in accepting help when people give it. Don’t get me wrong – I still am very aware of the sacrifice of giving, and am awed by people’s gifts every time I receive one, no matter how big or small. I just have grown a little more accustomed to accepting help when it is offered.

But I also sometimes feel like a child getting help from my parents when people give me help, sort of like a stubborn kid who doesn’t want to admit they need help, but also has to suck it up and just ask for help anyway. Does that make sense? I have spent so much of my life doing things independently, and not relying on my parents to pay the way (which I actually am grateful that they have always pushed me to take care of myself and figure things out) that even though now I know I live off of God’s provision solely, sometimes those old feelings of “I can do this on my own” and “I feel weak because I have to accept help from others” creep in and put a damper on things.

So I have dug into the Bible to find some words to remind me that it’s ok to ask others for help, that it is a chance to see God’s miracles for both me and the person giving, it’s an opportunity to see God’s love shown through others, and time to remember the Bible’s teachings on humility, pride, and how with God on my side, what do I have to fear?

Here are my findings.

1 Cor 12:28 talks about the spiritual gifts we all have (my biggest one is administration). One of the gifts listed is “those able to help others.” This has given me pause. While God gifts us each differently – teaching, prophecy, healing, apostles, etc – He also gifts some with the ability to help others. I know this isn’t strictly financial help, and I don’t expect all the provision He sends me to be entirely made of money. But it encourages me to know there are people He has specifically given the calling of helping others.

Romans 8:26 (one of my personal favourites) reminds me that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness.” While I know I have many weaknesses, in this particular instance I know one thing that I am weak in is finances. As the Word clearly says, the Spirit helps me in such weakness – God knows this is something I need help on, and His Spirit will bring me what I need, when I need it.

Colossians 3:12 tells me, “As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” I think we can all stand to administer these words in our lives, but for me the ones that stand out the most right now are “humility” and “patience.” I think patience is one of the trickiest things to pray for, because God immediately leads me into very patience-trying circumstances and it can be so frustrating. But I need to practice patience as I wait on Him. As for humility … well, it takes humility to accept help from others. Rather than feeling like I’ve failed in some way and now have to accept help from my friends, I instead need to remember this is God at work, and has nothing to do with me but instead is His greater purpose at stake. I need to humble myself before Him, and not pridefully think this has anything to do with me. My need to raise support is just another way for Him to express not just to me but all those supporting me and witnessing His work that He is the great Provider and can do so much more than we ever think He can.

Finally, I cling to Psalm 118, particularly verses 6-7 which say, “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper.” I think that pretty much sums it up.

So I will continue to remind myself that God knows my needs, that He wants me to learn patience and work on my humility, that He has gifted those already with His Spirit of helping others, and that He is on my side.

I already feel better. I’ll let you know how He moves this week.

Prayer Request

Hey there.

I just wanted to ask those of you reading this, who are inclined to do so, to please be praying for me. I had an awesome time with God last weekend, and have felt so confirmed and confident in my new job, and that He will provide and care for me. But there are other decisions in the future I'm still working through. So, I'd love some prayers about these upcoming choices, as well as my continued need for financial provision.

God knows my needs, and He has made me understand that He will provide. But Ephesians 6:18 says, "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." Philippians says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I want to be obedient to this discipline of prayer.

My biggest of these upcoming decisions has to do with a change of living situation. I just want to make the right decision and just am in need of some clarity right now. It's nothing stressful or immediate, just something I need to be seeking guidance on from God.

And as always, please be praying for financial provisions as I keep working with God to raise my salary each month. Pray that people will catch the vision of this ministry, will want to partner with us, and will be obedient if God asks them to give.

Thanks, y'all, for always seeing me through. I feel honored to have you on board.

We Are Family

This has been such a busy week. I've been housesitting, working, support raising, and helping register kids for VBS at church. I've basically been living out of my car, and have the gas bill to prove it. But despite feeling exhausted and like my eyes may close any minute, without reopening, I have to admit it's been a fun week.

When I left church last night, I was thinking about what a comfortable place it is for me. I can totally be myself there, and I know so many people that it just feels like family. Sure, there's down sides too, but every family has that and I guess for me, I just like having such a place that I can go, be myself, talk about my faith and people are supportive. I didn't have the most glamourous VBS task - selling T-shirts and data entry - but I actually really enjoyed it and got to chat with new people, people I hadn't seen in a while, and just hang out with church friends I never see outside of Sunday morning. All in all, it was a good time. And I know I'm not nearly as exhausted as the people who were actually with the kids (it pays to know the VBS coordinator - thanks, Kristi! - and also to sign up for a job waaaaay in advance before it was taken), but I still feel tired and am looking forward to a great weekend.

I just wanted to give a shout out to my church, and the people there who make it feel like home.

How Does He Do That? ... Oh that's right, He's God

I had some deep, focused time of prayer this weekend to ask God to calm my fears, re-confirm my calling, and fill me with peace and release me from my anxiety. I was honest in how I felt, and what I needed. I came away from this time with a renewed sense of my mission - to spread Christ in my own city, to support pastors who are teaching lay men and women to be His ambassadors to their co-workers. I know that a good thing isn't necessarily always a God thing, but I feel re-confirmed that this good thing, is a God thing for me, and that I am doing what He wants me to do. I started to feel released from my fears, which were fears I was putting on myself and not from Him. These were fears about defaulting on loan payments, being overdrawn and have to pay penalty fees, having to tell my family that this "crazy idea" of raising my own support had backfired.

Since then, in just these few days, I have been wonderfully encouraged. I've had uplifting conversations where friends, without my asking, have brought up topics I wanted to talk about, and then proceeded to say the exact words I needed to hear to be uplifted. Even more than that, I've had several "impromptu" conversations with people about my support raising. People actually stopped me to say "How's your support raising going?" I know these have been God orchestrating these "random" meetings. Through these talks, I've had the chance to share personally about the ministry I now work with, how great I see the need for missions in this country especially after living outside it for a year and then coming back, and how important these people are to me as friends, and that more than anything I want them involved in the ministry alongside me. Each of these talks has ended with the other person - without my asking - saying they want to pray about giving to me. I've been so joyful that God is working on people's hearts, and I know through His power He will bring to me what I need, when I need it. The more I think about how big God is, and how relatively small my financial needs are, I can see even more clearly that He can easily provide what I need.

I can never get over the sacrifice and love it takes for others to write a check, personally, to support me. I know it may be a small gesture to some, but to me it is life-giving, and to those whose lives are affected by this ministry, it is life-changing.

God is who He says He is, and He will always do what He says He's going to do.

A Spirit of Self Discipline

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

For the past few months, I have been working on running. It's been hard, but through a whole lot of "self-discipline" and praying to God for endurance, I have now worked myself up to running two miles, three times a week! Yay!

This may not be a big deal to some of you, but it is for me. I am just so proud of myself. In my former life (ie high school, 10 years ago) I was Little Miss Athletic. Specifically I was a (very) competitive swimmer. I swam 6 days a week, twice a day, and ran and did weights too. I did this for years. Sometimes I can't believe I did all that, and went to school, and made all A's. But I guess a perk of being a teenager is having endless energy. Plus, having parents and coaches who did not allow quitting as an option.

Anyhoo, my point is I have been crazy athletic in the past, and I keep meaning to recapture that so I am glad to finally be at a point where I feel I have the time and energy and motivation to do it.

The drawback right now is, I think I have shin splints. At least, that's what my self-diagnosis using information found on runnersworld.com is telling me. It's a little painful (actually, it's a lot painful) but I am going to back off for a little bit until my legs catch up with me. Apparently, shin splints are common in new runners.

Nevertheless, I am feeling proud of myself for sticking with it, even when it's hard. I am even going to run the Zoo Relay with my friends in September (only 2 miles a person) so feel free to come cheer us on on September 11 in Brackenridge Park. I love feeling the runs get easier, and feeling like I've accomplished something. Hurray for endurance and a spirit of self discipline!