Breaking up is hard to do

I am having a very difficult time coming to terms with leaving Hong Kong. I know this is His plan for me, so I'm trying really hard to get excited about being back in America. And in many ways, I am. But as I was packing today, I kept thinking "I can't believe I'm leaving already."

At church tonight, I was praying that He would re-confirm this decision, and give me new peace about it. When I first was sure of this decision to leave HK, I knew it was absolutely right. And I still cling to that, and when I really think hard about it, I know it's the right move. But I just am having a hard time with it. I started telling Him, "Can I come back in a year? What if I do a paid job somewhere instead? Would that be ok?" I just really like living in Hong Kong. And I love the organisation I'm with, but at this time I know I need to be heading home.

A God-given love for a place is so much different than any other love for something. I love Europe, but not in the same way I love China. I have a heart for China, a love for its culture and people. I also had the thought today that just because I have a heart for it, doesn't mean I have to live here. That's hard to comprehend I think, but me living in the States doesn't mean I've stopped loving China. It's just His will for me now to live there. And I know it will be evident to me when I'm back why He called me there, but right now I have a hard time giving up the life I've built in China. I love my church here and just now am starting to get connected and make new friends. I love my apartment and really feel at home in it, especially my bedroom which is truly my sanctuary. I love my friends here, from different countries and who have been great peers in faith and encouraged me along this path. I feel like I've just gotten started, and now I'm leaving and have to start over yet again.

So please think of me during this time. I am feeling the pain of breaking off from China, and heading into the unknown yet again. It was hard to come here, but turned into an amazing year. So I know He will make the next year just as incredible. I just pray that being back home won't mean I go straight back into old routines and life but that I will remember my year in HK and let Him continue to transform me.